Dive into the archives.
- I present to you William Bailey.
Peep the first video with Tom Petty here doing Free Fallin. Do you know where the fuck you are………..peep next video here. William’s voice sounds horrible but this was an amazing moment. Check out Jimmy Fallon introducing this. This was the first William siting in a long while. This might be my favorite. Elton and William and Queen………fantastic. Look how excited the crowd gets when Willy comes out. Finally I’ll end it with this William and Queen number. Hope you enjoy as much as I do and if you don’t then you’re gay and should go listen to the Backstreet Boys and hump a plant. This is so bitchin. West west yo.
Apr 20, 2008 · category: music, video
Posted by Captain Obvious
- Ready to fucking rage
What up peeps? Captain here and I’m pissed, hate hippies, and want to boink your mom. I’ve got several stories about the young Captain and then Captain now. Like all that third person? First I want to tell a story about when I got chased out of a baseball complex when I was not sober, umping a little league baseball game. It was a hundred freaking degrees and I had already been there for several hours and I was ready to go. So I was behind the plate, kids on second and third with two outs, down by a run. The first pitch was a ball, second a strike, third a foul tip so strike two, two more balls and then it happened. The next pitched bounced like three feet in front of the plate and bounced up into the strike zone. So what did I do. I rung the little bastard up so I could go party again. Well the parents were irate and I wasn’t running because I was scared I was running because of three things. First I wanted to get more unsober, two I didn’t feel like hearing it, and three I was flippin hot. I was supposed to get paid for those games but they must have sent the check to the wrong address. I’m sure it wasn’t because of the other stuff. I have a lot more to this story so I’ll randomly insert them in other post. I’ll insert my penis into your Mom too. So I’m tired of the old days lets talk about current. So today I pissed off a customer really bad to where he cussed at me and told me he was never coming back. Here we go. This guy asked me where we kept the ice packs and I showed him and he said thank you like he was done with me. I was the only one there so I went to help other people or hide in the warehouse. Pick either one. Well I get a call saying this lady and guy needed help in the fitness area so I head that way. I go up to customer service and one of my co workers said this lady needed help with bars for weights and a guy came up asking about………guess what……….yeah ice packs. So I walk over there and ask the lady if she needed help and she told me he was there first. I say I already helped him which he mumbles not very well and I let it go. I help her and get smart with her because she acts like it’s my fault we don’t carry something and says she’s going someplace else. I tell her that’s cool tell them hi for me. Then I turn and say “Listen I showed you where all the ice packs are and you still need help?” He tells me that his wife is in there a week ago and found the one he’s looking for now. So I open up all the different ones we have and we still don’t find it. He keeps going on and on about how his wife found it a week ago. I get tired of it and say if you wife knows where it is then bring her ass in her so she can show me since I work in this department and he thought I didn’t know where it was because his wife told him exactly where it was and we were there and it wasn’t so I don’t get it I guess. He starts getting pissed and telling me that he didn’t like my attitude and appreciate my comments because his wife just had knee replacement surgery and I wasn’t being nice. I told him I didn’t appreciate his attitude that he thought I didn’t know what I was talking about and I didn’t know his wife had surgery and did I look like Mrs. Cleo or some shit. Anyways to make a long ass story shorter he told me that I was an ass and he was never coming back. I hope when he gets home his wife tells him it was a different store. Stupid bitch. A f’n hippie was in the store today swinging a golf club. An expensive one at that. First of all hippies don’t golf because the ball might hit one of their precious humping buddies……….a tree. Second you don’t have a job so you can’t afford it and all the money you do have you buy drugs with. Take a shower you dirty bastard. I’ve got to go so I can get some sleep. West west yo and if your a druggie, hippie, or neither stick that in your pipe and smoke it. There’s a rumor Axl turned in the new Guns N Roses album to the record label. I doubt it but if I haven’t said it before then I want my fucking free Dr. Pepper.
Apr 16, 2008 · category: f'n raging, people
Posted by Captain Obvious
- One in a Million
I was listening to that song “One in a Million” by Guns N Roses tonight and Axl Rose (I want my effin Dr. Pepper) uses the “n” word. I remember reading an article about how they only played that song once live. Me and my bro were talking about it and I said Slash was offended because he was half black. My brother said something that is so true. He says………I thought Slash was an Ewok. I actually thought he was too until I read the article. Good stuff. Slash is half white half black by the way. My question is if it offended Slash why didn’t he say something to Axl? Like “you racist bastard…….I’m offended” Oh wait I know why because everyone would have thought he was a vagina if he said that. He could have done the rock star thing and kicked his ass or slept with his girlfriend. I’m watching the NCAA men’s championship game and it’s a great game. I hate Kansas by the way because that’s all you hear about when you live there. But there is bad weather in the area and every time they take a break the weatherman comes on and he’s the biggest douchebag I’ve seen since Bill Walton earlier on TV. He says we’re all in hear yelling for Kansas to win or something gay like that every time. Shut the fuck up and tell me if I need to find shelter bitch. . I’m pretty sure Kansas is going to win because they have the momentum in overtime. They Jayhawks like it in the cornhole. West west yo.
Apr 7, 2008 · category: rant
Posted by Captain Obvious
- Not a hundred percent sure about this
But I think it’s close to the anniversary of Kurt Cobain killing himself. I’m too lazy to look it up so feel free to do so if you want. Some people may get offended by me saying killing himself but I’m seeing a lot of stuff about him lately and they say he passed away. Yeah he shot himself in the head. He killed himself. Don’t try to make it sound better than it is. Yet again I ended in a preposition. Get over it bitch. I was watching some Chris Rock stand-up and he was talking about the same thing with Tupac and Biggie people saying they got assassinated. He talked about how Martin Luther King Jr, JFK, Malcolm X got assassinated and goes on to say them n words (Tupac and Biggie) got shot. His words not mine. This reminds me of a movie I once saw called Grandma’s Boy where Jeffy is talking to an old lady about how much she’s seen because of her age. He goes ”You’ve seen a lot of stuff go down, the automobile, World War I, World War II, Tupac……..so funny. I don’t like drunk, loud obnoxious people. I don’t go to bars because of that reason. I’m sick of you coming to places I’m at and being dildo’s/douchebags. Hey…….here’s a fucking idea………don’t go anywhere because your drunk ass cause kill someone with your driving. Take a damn cab home. Drink your troubles away at home. Fuckheads (I had fucktards but I did spell check and this was an actual suggestion so I thought why not?). I’m tired. Axl I want my Dr. Pepper. West west yo.
Apr 2, 2008 · category: rant
Posted by Captain Obvious
- See you on the flipside
Watched Boondock Saints last night. Fan-freakin-tastic. I love that movie. There are so many funny parts. I love when you’re at work and you have the shirt with the name badge on and someone ask if you work here. No I just come in dressed like them because it’s so fashionable. I’m sitting here watching the movie Casino right now. Great movie but who else can be 4 ft 2 and pull off being a badass and make it believable besides Joe Pesci? Who? Nobody that’s who. Plus he’s in some other great movies like My Cousin Vinny, Goodfellas, and more. Scott Weiland left Velvet Revolver today saying he couldn’t get along with the other band members. Wow another band breaks up because of egos. It appears the former members of Guns N Roses can’t find a lead singer that doesn’t think the world revolves around them. So the other day I was getting some protective cups out of a box to put on a peg and this little kid walks up to me with a goofy grin on his face that I was about to give him some candy. It was so f’n funny. Sorry kid all I had were jockstraps and cups. Not as good as skittles. But helps your frank and beans out. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. West west yo.
Apr 1, 2008 · category: Humor, random
Posted by Captain Obvious
- So…….
I live in a decent sized city and almost offed three deer tonight. Thanks for running in front of my car. Good thing I have reflexes like a ninja or the Captain would have had some deer jerky. I’m all for people hunting……especially deer. PETA can suck my balls. Is there any better song about a hooker than Jane Says by Janes Addiction? I don’t think there is and for Jane if Sergio treats you like a rag doll then come to me because I’ll treat you well. I’ll keep you fed and you do tricks and because of those tricks I get all the money. It’s simple. I learned this from a pimp at IHOP one night. The guy had a purple suit and a white cadillac. Nice. I’m sitting here watching a movie called Navy SEALS with Charlie Sheen and there is a scene where they’re playing golf is some gay ass outfits. The worst part is Bon Jovi doing a cover of “The Boys are Back in Town” I love Bon Jovi but that was bad. I’ve heard Charlie Sheen used to be real bad into drugs are partying. Apparently he was so bad his friend Slash from Guns N Roses told him he needed help. That’s bad when he has to tell you that. Now there in the ocean in this movie and it makes me uncomfortable because I hate sharks. Granted I don’t live anywhere near an ocean but what are they good for? If you can give me a valid reason I’d like to hear it. Another fucking commercial about taking a pill that gives you a bigger dick. Can we stop these commercials. They just had a black dude on here. What you went from 12 to 14 inches? You like that stereotype don’t you. Yeah you need to deal with the fact that there are reasons for them and you can’t pick and choose which ones people can say. Axl I want my f’n Dr. Pepper. Even if the music sucks you should put the album out so we get something for waiting this long. West west yo.
Mar 28, 2008 · category: random
Posted by Captain Obvious
- Peep this
I love Bourbon’s Rad post. I’m watching it for the 9th time right now as I type. Send Me an Angel is such a rad song. Pun intended. Word up to George Bush for not being judemental and Tom for posting it. John I can’t wait for your next installment. I’m also watching the top songs of the 80’s. Welcome to the Jungle at 26? WTF? Should be higher up. Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray is absolutely hilarious on this show. Take on Me by Ah-Ha…………..nice. If you don’t like some stuff about the 80’s then you’re a dumb bastard. Bottom line. End of story. 15 times in a row on the RAD video. I really need to watch the movie again. Word up to Texas A&M checking out our site so much. Bourbon has always been a huge fan but I’m becoming one with all the love we’ve been shown. The Cure is one of my favorite bands ever. They were just on the countdown. I’m above the influence but I know a bunch of people who aren’t……………what? I just saw a commercial about a guy who was to high to do something. F’n hippie. I hate Dr. Phil. Is there a bigger douchebag than him. Let me to tell everyone I’m right and get a show. I can for sure do that. I’ll tell you how f’d up you are with no problem. How was everyone surprised when George Michael said he was gay? Did you not see the Wham video? West west yo. I’ll write more later.
Mar 13, 2008 · category: music, random, rant
Posted by Captain Obvious
