Dive into the archives.
- This might get our site shut down and kicked off the internet
So I was inspired by Bourbon’s latest rage so I thought I’d up my game. So I listened to some Rage Against the Machine…….Bomb Track. If that doesn’t get you pissed then nothing will. Let me start the raging. First as I was driving to IHOP listening to Bomb Track and I was so pissed about work (I’ll get to it in a minute) that I was hoping a crack head would walk in front of me while I was driving so I could clip him. It almost happened too. These stupid dudes started to walk across the street as I was turning. Luckily for them they jumped back. Now to work. There was a huge douche bag who came in the other day and tried returning a bike and getting full price when it was discounted because it was so old. He said he got it at Christmas when we haven’t carried it for a year and a half. Well John dealt with him and pretty much told him to go somewhere else. This guy thought the world owed him because he had a lisp like one of those gays. Anyway the guy called corporate and got a gift card and came in tonight. They sent me to deal with him and he was as advertised by Mr. Daniels. He checks out this bike and ask me ridiculous questions about it when “he already knows the answers”. He decides on it and I quote “I don’t want to be a butt…….but can you scrape the sticky stuff off of it”. He kept saying I don’t want to be a butt……but. I wanted to say you like it in the butt……….what…..fag. The adhesive from a sticker was on the bike in two spots and he wanted it cleaned off and the tired aired up. We do that and then I take it out to his car and he tells me the store manager told him that he would have the bike inspector check it to see if everything was in order. This guy is the epitome of faggot ass bitch. In fact when I was on my way to IHOP I saw an ambulance driving by and thought I hope that bitch from the store today got in a wreck and died. Fuck him and you for thinking that’s bad of me to say. I feel sorry for his kid, wife, and family having to put up with his lame ass. Before this guy came I dealt with some Mexicans who couldn’t speak very good English……….imagine that. Someone living in our country and not being able to communicate well. First he ask a guy in footwear three times about bikes. Finally I go over there after I got done doing your Mom and killing a hippie and he asked if I could get a bike for him that he was very capable of doing. Then another so I say. You can get these yourself to which his fugly ass wife says in not English…….”excuse me” all high pitched like she’s offended. I say you don’t need me to get it but I can. You don’t need my permission. So they ask me to see if there are any in the back and I go. During that time they ask John for help and as I’m walking back to tell them we don’t have any back there John tells me he’s going to the container to check to see if we have any. Well by that time the guy chooses another back and tells me he wants that bike so I tell him for the 15th time that he just needs to take it up front and pay for it. He leaves and I’m going to tell John that it’s a no go and he’s coming from the container. We didn’t have any regardless but are you fucking serious. I’m finding that if you don’t speak the language well you’re most like retarded too. So the lights go off at work when we’re supposed to be out of there and we were still there. The store manager wants to hold a meeting in the dark. We can’t see him except for the whites of his eyes. I would say teeth too but they’re yellow from all the cock he sucks. He’s the type of person that if he was on fire I would throw gas on instead of water. Burn bitch burn. We don’t need no water let the motherfucker burn. Fucking bastard misuses his authority. Man I want to punch you in the face. We were talking about if we went to high school with someone and they became a stripper how we would go because it would be interesting (because we know them not just because there are tits everywhere) I thought about this and how you could go up to them and say I saw your boobies and how their response would be like so have 1 million other people. Still doesn’t ruin it for me. I would still want to see her fun bags. Heard the worst song of my life tonight at work. Ghetto girl by some bastard. It takes a sample from the Billy Joel song Uptown girl. The guy should be shot and Billy should be shot for creating that song to which this guy used. I love Billy Joel’s music too. Sorry Tom I know you like it………..fag. Man card is revoked until further notice. An Ethiopian won the Boston Marathon. Does that surprise anyone? They have to run from lions and shit. This town ten miles from where I went to college at was destroyed by a tornado about a year ago and they’re rebuilding it for free. I bet your thinking…….Captain how can that be? I’ll tell you how. The f’n government is a bunch of flippin hippies who are trying to “save the tree’s” They’re helping them build it for free by making the town green. I have nothing against the town because it’s free but I’m pissed that the government is trying to turn good people into tree humping, whale saving, vegan hippies. Fuck you government. We need to cut the bullshit and tell it like it is with “the man” and tell them where they can stick their going green bullshit. Fuck off and go to your mistresses and live your double life government because I want nothing to do with your liberal hippies asses. Not all government but most of it. Mother Earth loves you but I think your douche bags. I have a lot more to talk about but I’m done typing. West west yo.
Apr 22, 2008 · category: f'n raging
Posted by Captain Obvious
- Raging against the machine
What up peeps? I got a speeding ticket at 2:30 in the morning the other day for going 38 in a 25. The ticket set me back about 130. Oh yeah it was in a construction zone so it was doubled. Yeah I’m pretty sure that there wasn’t anybody working on the road at 2:30 so I’m sure the man was just trying to keep me down. That’s why I don’t like the police. I understand I was speeding and I’m fine with paying that. I don’t think that it should have been doubled because of construction. You couldn’t give me a warning and tell me to slow down? Prick. In the words of N.W.A. “Fuck the Police”. I hate how people in position of power misuse it. I think this guy was………he seemed racist. Sticking it to whitey. So I was dropping a book off at the library and as I was driving off with my window down this old lady starts wagging her finger at me and yelling about having no respect…………..so I did the respectable thing and flipped her off. Stupid old bitty. West west yo.
Apr 7, 2008 · category: rant
Posted by Captain Obvious
- what up?
I’m sitting here on Easter Sunday watching the NCAA tournament and realized something. The crowd has 70,000 white people in it (including coaches) and in the game there’s only two (with one or two on the bench). And they’re big men. You know 6 ft 10 and goofy. Which brings me to another topic about sports and black people. Tiger Woods is mixed and black people claim him as black when he doesn’t say himself I’m a full on black man. If he wasn’t the best player in the world would you? If he played like John Daily would you? No and if he had Daily’s problems you would say we were racist because the only reason we bring it up is because he’s black. Race card is so overplayed. It’s become the boy who cries wolf. I don’t see you claiming John Amaechi.It might be because he’s a fag though. I’m not sure because I don’t know what you think. Why has my font changed? Eh I’m too lazy to deal with it. I’m tired of seeing white people who act “black”. Be yourself douchebag. You just look like an idiot. Don’t tell me it’s the generation. It’s because you want to be something you’re not. Speak American not ebonics. Excuse me why I put on my Jay-Z album and pull down my pants and say fo shizzle a bunch. I remember when it wasn’t cool to just like things because other people did. Be yourself people. Don’t act a certain way because you’ll fit in or because Oprah tells you it should be that way.You didn’t grow up in Compton and go to the swap meet every weekend. Oprah has a billion dollars you think she’s just like everyone else. No she’s making money because you believe her stupid ass. Yeah I said it……..even with the possibility of every woman boycotting me. Suck a cock. Oprah I’ll listen to what you say for two things. That would be if you gave me some money and …….yeah that’s it. Other than that you’re stupid. Hey Oprah said it……..must be true. Dumb ass people who can’t think for themselves. In JT’s words “What Goes Around Comes Around” and it will come back on you. Yeah I made a Justin Timberlake reference. My man card has been revoked for 5 minutes. On that note men who drink fruity mixed drinks need to be tattooed with the word mangina on their forehead. I was listening to the radio earlier and I’m not a big Nickelback fan because they’re overplayed but I gave it a chance and listened to that Rockstar song. Have you ever noticed that weird dude in the background saying stuff that goes along with the lyrics. Chad Kroger says something about sign a few autographs to get my meal for free and this weird dude says “I want Quesadilla’s” or some Mexican food. F’n weird. You need to listen to “Leader of Men”. That’s their best song. I miss the intense music like Rage Against the Machine, Limp Bizkit, and all that stuff. When did everything turn bitch. I need some angry music. Some rebellion if you will. Give me something I can throw my middle finger up to and stick it to the man. America has turned bitch with all this “PC” bullshit. Let your balls drop guys. Women grow some tits. I’m tired of holding back. I keep way to much in but now you’ll hear all about it. I hope this offends some people because your hippie ass needs it. Go hump a fucking tree. West west yo.
Mar 23, 2008 · category: random
Posted by Captain Obvious
