Dive into the archives.

• I present to you William Bailey.

  Peep the first video with Tom Petty here doing Free Fallin. Do you know where the fuck you are………..peep next video here. William’s voice sounds horrible but this was an amazing moment. Check out Jimmy Fallon introducing this. This was the first William siting in a long while. This might be my favorite. Elton and William and Queen………fantastic. Look how excited the crowd gets when Willy comes out. Finally I’ll end it with this William and Queen number. Hope you enjoy as much as I do and if you don’t then you’re gay and should go listen to the Backstreet Boys and hump a plant. This is so bitchin. West west yo.

  Apr 20, 2008 · category: music, video
  
  Posted by Captain Obvious

• One in a Million

  I was listening to that song “One in a Million” by Guns N Roses tonight and Axl Rose (I want my effin Dr. Pepper) uses the “n” word. I remember reading an article about how they only played that song once live. Me and my bro were talking about it and I said Slash was offended because he was half black. My brother said something that is so true. He says………I thought Slash was an Ewok. I actually thought he was too until I read the article. Good stuff. Slash is half white half black by the way. My question is if it offended Slash why didn’t he say something to Axl? Like “you racist bastard…….I’m offended” Oh wait I know why because everyone would have thought he was a vagina if he said that. He could have done the rock star thing and kicked his ass or slept with his girlfriend. I’m watching the NCAA men’s championship game and it’s a great game. I hate Kansas by the way because that’s all you hear about when you live there. But there is bad weather in the area and every time they take a break the weatherman comes on and he’s the biggest douchebag I’ve seen since Bill Walton earlier on TV. He says we’re all in hear yelling for Kansas to win or something gay like that every time. Shut the fuck up and tell me if I need to find shelter bitch. . I’m pretty sure Kansas is going to win  because they have the momentum in overtime. They Jayhawks like it in the cornhole. West west yo.

  Apr 7, 2008 · category: rant
  
  Posted by Captain Obvious

• No dumbells in here just my balls

  There aren’t too many things that are better in life than an Orange Fanta when you’re thirsty. To all those bad drivers out there I want you to quit giving yourself roadhand while you’re driving. You’re going to kill someone. Prince since a song called When Doves Cry. I love the song but I have a few things to say about it. One part says maybe I’m like my mother never satisfied. I took care of that Prince and your Mom is very satisfied. That’s right I just dropped a mom joke on the symbol formerly known as Prince who went back to Prince. Also what exactly do doves sound like when they cry? I don’t get it. I was talking with the other four wrongs tonight and got to talking about if I won a billion dollars what would I do. Really I was just talking and they thought I was dumb but anyway I would have a huge concert and have all my favorite bands play for example, Led Zepplin, Guns N Roses, Willie Nelson, etc……. I’ll tell you what I would smoke a joint with Willie just to say I have. I’m sure there are a  lot of pot heads who have but how cool would that be? Someone I would not smoke weed with is the football player Ricky Williams. I had a friend in college who gave himself a nickname. Let me tell you something…………if you do that you’re not a winner. End of story. I really don’t like Ebonics. Not a language people. Did someone wake up one day and say I’m going to create my own language that pisses people off all around the world and think it’s cool. Fucktards. Heard a story today about Taco Bell running out of rice. How the fuck do you run out of rice? Rice is probably one of the foods that we have the most of and should never run out. I also heard they were out of hot sauce one time. Really what the hell is Taco Bell good for then………..burritos? Off the top of my head some of the best songs about drugs…….Guns N Roses-Mr Brownstone, Eric Clapton-Cocaine, and the Beatles-Helter Skelter. Feel free to share others and if you don’t your stupid and if I don’t think there good I’ll probably call you a hippie. Now you can’t say songs that were influenced by drugs because that’s almost every song since the 60’s. One Night in Bangkok by Murray Head is a great song, dumb lyrics, and funny video. Peep here. I love the lyrics “I get my kicks from above my waistline, sunshine.” Yeah I don’t. I like below the waistline myself. Put that in your pipe and smoke it (especially if you’re with Willie Nelson) and west west yo.

  Apr 6, 2008 · category: music, random
  
  Posted by Captain Obvious

• Not a hundred percent sure about this

  But I think it’s close to the anniversary of Kurt Cobain killing himself. I’m too lazy to look it up so feel free to do so if you want.  Some people may get offended by me saying killing himself but I’m seeing a lot of stuff about him lately and they say he passed away. Yeah he shot himself in the head. He killed himself. Don’t try to make it sound better than it is. Yet again I ended in a preposition. Get over it bitch. I was watching some Chris Rock stand-up and he was talking about the same thing with Tupac and Biggie people saying they got assassinated. He talked about how Martin Luther King Jr, JFK, Malcolm X got assassinated and goes on to say them n words (Tupac and Biggie) got shot. His words not mine. This reminds me of a movie I once saw called Grandma’s Boy where Jeffy is talking to an old lady about how much she’s seen because of her age. He goes ”You’ve seen a lot of stuff go down, the automobile, World War I, World War II, Tupac……..so funny. I don’t like drunk, loud obnoxious people. I don’t go to bars because of that reason. I’m sick of you coming to places I’m at and being dildo’s/douchebags. Hey…….here’s a fucking idea………don’t go anywhere because your drunk ass cause kill someone with your driving. Take a damn cab home. Drink your troubles away at home. Fuckheads (I had fucktards but I did spell check and this was an actual suggestion so I thought why not?). I’m tired. Axl I want my Dr. Pepper. West west yo.

  Apr 2, 2008 · category: rant
  
  Posted by Captain Obvious

• See you on the flipside

  Watched Boondock Saints last night. Fan-freakin-tastic. I love that movie. There are so many funny parts. I love when you’re at work and you have the shirt with the name badge on and someone ask if you work here. No I just come in dressed like them because it’s so fashionable. I’m sitting here watching the movie Casino right now. Great movie but who else can be 4 ft 2 and pull off being a badass  and make it believable besides Joe Pesci? Who? Nobody that’s who. Plus he’s in some other great movies like My Cousin Vinny, Goodfellas, and more.  Scott Weiland left Velvet Revolver today saying he couldn’t get along with the other band members. Wow another band breaks up because of egos. It appears the former members of Guns N Roses can’t find a lead singer that doesn’t think the world revolves around them. So the other day I was getting some protective cups out of a box to put on a peg and this little kid walks up to me with a goofy grin on his face that I was about to give him some candy. It was so f’n funny. Sorry kid all I had were jockstraps and cups. Not as good as skittles. But helps your frank and beans out. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. West west yo.

  Apr 1, 2008 · category: Humor, random
  
  Posted by Captain Obvious

• So…….

  I live in a decent sized city and almost offed three deer tonight. Thanks for running in front of my car. Good thing I have reflexes like a ninja or the Captain would have had some deer jerky. I’m all for people hunting……especially deer. PETA can suck my balls. Is there any better song about a hooker than Jane Says by Janes Addiction? I don’t think there is and for Jane if Sergio treats you like a rag doll then come to me because I’ll treat you well. I’ll keep you fed and you do tricks and because of those tricks I get all the money. It’s simple. I learned this from a pimp at IHOP one night. The guy had a purple suit and a white cadillac. Nice. I’m sitting here watching a movie called Navy SEALS with Charlie Sheen and there is a scene where they’re playing golf is some gay ass outfits. The worst part is Bon Jovi doing a cover of “The Boys are Back in Town” I love Bon Jovi but that was bad.  I’ve heard Charlie Sheen used to be real bad into drugs are partying. Apparently he was so bad his friend Slash from Guns N Roses told him he needed help. That’s bad when he has to tell you that. Now there in the ocean in this movie and it makes me uncomfortable because I hate sharks. Granted I don’t live anywhere near an ocean but what are they good for? If you can give me a valid reason I’d like to hear it. Another fucking commercial about taking a pill that gives you a bigger dick. Can we stop these commercials. They just had a black dude on here. What you went from 12 to 14 inches? You like that stereotype don’t you. Yeah you need to deal with the fact that there are reasons for them and you can’t pick and choose which ones people can say. Axl I want my f’n Dr. Pepper. Even if the music sucks you should put the album out so we get something for waiting this long. West west yo.

  Mar 28, 2008 · category: random
  
  Posted by Captain Obvious

• Interesting

  I read this article today about the new Guns N Roses. If they put out the long awaited album (I believe 13 or 14 yrs and 13 million dollars in making it) Chinese Democracy then Dr. Pepper will give everyone in America a free Dr. Pepper. I think the people there are safe but let me tell you something Axl. I want my free Dr. Pepper bitch. Peep the article here. Also at work today an 80 year old man was walking to the golf area with a walker looking to purchase a golf club set for himself……..what? Nice he most likely is a golf shark so if you see him at a course don’t fall for it. I’m sure he drives like Tiger, puts like Phil, and has the mid-range shots like Vijay. West west yo.

  Mar 27, 2008 · category: music, random
  
  Posted by Captain Obvious

• Peep this

  I love Bourbon’s Rad post. I’m watching it for the 9th time right now as I type. Send Me an Angel is such a rad song. Pun intended. Word up to George Bush for not being judemental and Tom for posting it. John I can’t wait for your next installment. I’m also watching the top songs of the 80’s. Welcome to the Jungle at 26? WTF? Should be higher up. Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray is absolutely hilarious on this show.  Take on Me by Ah-Ha…………..nice. If you don’t like some stuff about the 80’s then you’re a dumb bastard. Bottom line. End of story. 15 times in a row on the RAD video. I really need to watch the movie again. Word up to Texas A&M checking out our site so much. Bourbon has always been a huge fan but I’m becoming one with all the love we’ve been shown. The Cure is one of my favorite bands ever. They were just on the countdown. I’m above the influence but I know a bunch of people who aren’t……………what? I just saw a commercial about a guy who was to high to do something. F’n hippie. I hate Dr. Phil. Is there a bigger douchebag than him. Let me to tell everyone I’m right and get a show. I can for sure do that. I’ll tell you how f’d up you are with no problem. How was everyone surprised when George Michael said he was gay? Did you not see the Wham video? West west yo. I’ll write more later.

  Mar 13, 2008 · category: music, random, rant
  
  Posted by Captain Obvious