Dive into the archives.
- Spank that child…
Speaking of Frosted Flakes, this could be the funniest video ever. I’m all for selective reproduction. And old-school discipline.
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.
- Yay for this old lady…
Speaking of hookers, this could be the funniest video ever. Real or fake?
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.
- Try not to laugh…
Speaking of Lake Tahoe, this could be the funniest video ever. There aren’t enough narcoleptic animals. Or people.
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.
- No, you are not on drugs…
Speaking of snipers, this could be the funniest videos ever. If you find yourself reciting it later, do not worry. It is quite normal.
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.
- Being “Plan B”
Speaking of the Braves losing the season opener, it’s been a while since I’ve had a real rant on here. Actually it’s been a while since I’ve had anything on here. I’m working on that. So, I’m wondering if there is anyone else out there who knows what it feels like to be “Plan B,” or “C,” etc. Let me explain what I mean.
Let us say that I have a friend, and we both have the same night off from work, and I would really like to see this person. So, as is normal, let us say I call/text/email the person asking “What are you up to later tonight?” For this example, let us say the answer I get is “I dunno, I really don’t have anything planned.” So, of course, I would ask the person (in this case female) if she would like to do something, anything. Here is where it gets sucky. The response that really makes no sense to me goes like this: “Well, let me see what is going on first.”
Didn’t she just say she had no plans? So then why can’t MY plans be “what is going on first?” It’s like she is holding out for a better offer or something. Wow, am I that bad? So, I have now become “Plan B.” So does anyone know what I mean now?
It’s like being someone’s last resort. Whoever it is might as well say “Well, if I have absolutely nothing to do, I guess I’ll settle on hanging out with you.” There’s nothing like being someone’s final, desperate option. I’d rather be lied to than given the run-around.
Well, that’s it. Short and sweet, just like Captain’s rooster.
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.
- What is that noise?
Speaking of ignorance, I cannot tell if this is a cruel joke, lack of self-awareness, or maybe some sort of exercise in boldness/overcoming insecurities. The dancing guy is amazing. He probably gets more girls than I do.
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.
- …Sans Garfield…
Speaking of salsa, here is an archive of “Garfield” comic strips that have had Garfield completely removed. The great thing is that they are actually funnier than the normal cartoons, it seems. But also, some tend to be way depressing. But that’s funny, right?
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.
- What was he thinking?
Speaking of Frosted Flakes, to continue on with the theme of “Shut the heck up, you CANNOT sing,” I think we’ve all seen this happen at least once. First of all, he has a podium in front of him, and he keeps looking down at SOMETHING. Surely it isn’t the words to the song, because that would be too obvious! And if they are the words, he STILL got them wrong!
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.
- Ummmm… WTF??
Speaking of light bulbs, this guy makes me sound AMAZING, or, OMAZING, as the case may be…
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.
- My new addiction…
Speaking of people who need to learn that if you invite someone somewhere, you tell them when, and don’t just ditch them, or leave them standing outside for 30 minutes, I have found a new addiction. No, it isn’t Tawainese prostitutes, Tom. It is a game called Free Rider 2. Pretty simple, but actually pretty amazing. It’s like “Excitebike” only better, in my opinion, and also more insane. It functions almost like Crayon Physics, which I wrote about before, except gravity isn’t the only force in play. Try it out. The controls take some getting used to, but I literally stayed up all night drawing tracks and trying to get through without wrecking. Someone save me.
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.
- The future of our country?
Speaking of street sweepers, I’ve noticed at a few Taco Bell locations that they are now “Hiring future leaders.” Really? Leaders of what, our country? I sure hope not. If you can’t get “NO LETTUCE” correct, then how are you ever going to lead anything? I wonder how many of our current political leaders, business leaders, and other important figures started out at Taco Bell?
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.
- I love baseball…
Speaking of anarchy, this is for everyone who is excited about baseball season. Good for this guy! Move over Lou!
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.
- Not suitable for children?
Speaking of bad odors, has anyone else besides me thought back at how disturbing and inappropriate for children old nursery rhymes are? People recite them in sing-song voices all smiley, not even giving the words a thought. And if it isn’t mommy and daddy telling these stories, it is one of the children’s favorite characters. This is horrible. Think about it… what kind of lessons are kids learning?
Old King Cole had a pipe, and called for it. He called for his bowl too. What was in that bowl? Hmmm, I wonder…
How about the old woman in a shoe? She lived in a SHOE. And I seriously doubt it was a Nike Shox. Anytime I saw an illustration it was an old worn out boot. Oh, and how about the fact that she “had so many children she didn’t know what to do.” She was just poppin’ babies out one after another. And where is the father in all this? Not present. So she feeds them broth, and beats them. Good lesson.
Humpty Dumpty is another one. Pretty sure a hippie thought of this one. An egg sitting on a wall. It falls. And people actually tried to put it back together? It bothers me that the story says “all the king’s horses…couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again.” Why would a horse try to put anything back together? Oh, and another thing, IT WAS AN EGG!! Who cares about putting it back together?!? Scramble it, add some cheddar, and give it to me!
One more. “Rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub…” Need I say more?
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.
- Crayon Physics
We all have games that we become addicted to, whether it is on the PC/MAC, Playstation consoles, XBOX consoles, Nintendo products, board games, card games, etc. For me, it is usually some simple Java or Flash game that gets me hooked. However, I’m pretty sure once Crayon Physics Deluxe makes its way onto my desktop, the world will wonder what has happened to me. Ok maybe not the world, but at least hopefully my friends, all 5 of them, will wonder why I never leave my computer.
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.
- Bad drivers…
Nothing bothers me quite like the dumb masses of people who simply do not know how to drive. I’m sure this topic will come up often on this site. I’ve got to start somewhere, I guess. I really really really really hate all the people out there who think they have to go 10 mph UNDER the speed limit when they see a police officer. I mean, what are they thinking? Do they think the cop is going to pull them over for going the speed limit, so they just have to go under it? This actually happened the other day on my way home from work. First of all, I was following a cop around a cloverleaf onto the highway, and he decides he is going to merge on going 55 mph, which is 10 mph under the limit. This is another pet peeve of mine which I’m sure I will discuss at a later time. Back to the point, I go around the cop, set my cruise control for 70, and proceed. The cop gets in the next lane, but stays close, actually passing me and then falling behind, over and over again. This also annoys me. For an officer of the law, he sure does not know how to drive properly. Anyway, as we proceed down the highway, any one we come within close proximity to does what I mentioned before: they immediately slam on their brakes and slow down to 60 or 55. WHY!?!?!?! I’m sure even the most DB cops have better things to do than pull over someone for going 5 over. This is obvious because I made it home ticketless. So why feel the need to go UNDER the speed limit? I guess all I can do is complain, although it will not get anything done.
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.
- It’s about the music, not the lifestyle…
Something has bothered me for quite some time now. Not to the extent of going crazy over it, but just enough to make me itch a bit. It is one of those issues that originates with people’s ignorance and narrowmindedness (is that a word?). Back when the Dixie Chicks made their famous statement saying how ashamed they were of being from the same state as The President, the people of America went on a ban of Dixie Chicks music altogether. Even the majority of country stations stopped playing their songs. I’ll admit, I went with it for a while… until I realized how stupid that was. I love music, all kinds. Except rap, but we can discuss later about if rap is actually music or not. Back to my point. I love music, for the music. When I listen to something, I’m thinking about the notes and the words and the arrangement, not the artist’s political views or social habits. It’s about the music, not the artists’ lifestyles. I absolutely do not agree with the Dixie Chicks making that statement, and I have not nor will I purchase their release which followed the scandal. But their mistake does not make their first 3 cds worthless. They sound the same now as before. The fact that I still listen to those cds does not mean I support their viewpoints. Would it be assumed that I support drug use because I listen to Guns ‘n’ Roses? Of course not, and no one would even begin to think that. So why should I ignore great music, simply because of something the artist says or believes? If I did, I would be missing out on a lot of great music from people like Ozzy, GNR, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Rage Against the Machine. Jimmy Page from Led Zepplin was and still is known as the “Prince of Darkness” and has some pretty far out and definitely non-Christian beliefs, but that does mean that I will ever hate “Stairway to Heaven.” That would just be sacrilige.
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.
- Only in California…WTF?
Check this out. Only in California (or Amsterdam) could this happen, and only in the GREAT “City of Angels.” I am beginning to think that if LA is a city of angels, the “End Times” are closer than we all think, no matter what doctrine we believe. I have strayed from the subject. I’ll come right out with it.
Marijuana Vending Machines
What is this world coming to? This one deserves an all caps “WTF?”
Enjoy. The report, I mean. Or if you are an inhabitant of LA in “chronic pain,” enjoy the reefer, oh excuse me, cannabis.
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.
- The Evil Known as “Bluetooth”
Hello all, this is John. Finally. Speaking of alcoholics, what is up with the recent surge of Bluetooth headsets?
I see the Bluetooth headset as one of a long list of inventions that has a wonderful purpose, yet most people tend to, and this is the only way I know how to put it, abuse it.
There are some practical uses.
I think it is great for making/answering calls while driving. Nowdays, it seems like more and more people have enough trouble driving as it is. The last thing they need is to have one hand on the wheel and one hand on the phone. This concept has even sparked an increase in Bluetooth-compatible CD decks. Now, since people will have twice as many hands on the wheel, they will drive twice as well…right? Am I correct? Seems logical. (But so does communism)
Another use that seems appropriate would be on certain jobsites, such as construction sites. Let’s say a person remodels houses and utilizes both hands 99% of the time. It would make sense to have a hands-free system that would allow him to talk while keeping both hands free to hammer that nail or drive that screw or handle that wood.
Now, let us discuss some less appropriate uses. I witnessed this first example recently, and it is in fact what prompted me to bring this issue up.
A person probably shouldn’t… DEFINITELY should NOT use his or her (in this case her) headset at the opera, or any performing art in general. This happened at the performance of Lakme I attended recently. A lady in the row in front of me pulled her headset out of her purse, placed it in her ear, and proceeded to check her voicemail.
This struck me as ridiculous for two reasons.
Number one, could she have not just put the phone to her ear? She actually exerted more effort in digging the small piece out of her purse and puting it in her ear, a little adjustment here, some positioning there, than she would have just pulling her phone out and holding down the “1″ button. Did she really need both hands free? I don’t think so, Tim. I mean, Tom. Et al.
Secondly, it makes you wonder what her thought process was before she got out of the car at the opera. “Ok, I’m going in to see an opera… do I have my Bluetooth headset? I might need to make a few calls while I am in there.” I bet she is the kind of person who backs into parking spots, “just because.”
The Bluetooth headset has quickly gone from a practical tool designed for convenience and, dare I say, safety, yet a few individuals have turned it into some sort of “status symbol” as if people will think “Wow that guy has a Bluetooth headset on. He MUST be important, or rich, or sophisticated, etc.” I’m not buying it. Nor am I buying one of those. At least, not until I am important, or rich, or sophisticated.
Other places not to use your Bluetooth headset: Church, Barne’s and Noble, or any other bookstore or library, Walmart, Starbucks, IHOP, movie theatre, court session, lastly, anywhere I have to see your dumb ass.
One more thing, for you Bluetooth headset abusers who might actually be reading this. You know that fancy blue light that flashes on and off on the side of your headset? You might not be able to see it, but the rest of us have to. I do not know how the others feel, but for me that flashing blue light means only one thing: it is the signal that you probably need a good ass-kicking.
Thank you. Good night, and good evening.






