Dive into the archives.


  • If hippies could read

    They would be really bummed out about this gentleman’s death. Peep article here. Don’t feel too bad you still have the hippie lettuce. West west yo.

    imageApr 30, 2008 · category: Drugs

    Posted by Captain Obvious

  • Daniel Son

    Watching Karate Kid…………..fantastic. Couple of things I want to talk about. One is that I don’t think Chuck Norris could take Mr. Miyagi but nobody fucks with a lion or Bruce Lee. The special effects on this movie are freaking amazing (not really but who cares). Wesley Snipes is going to jail for tax evasion and he said it was because he was black. Hey I’ve got an idea maybe it’s because you didn’t pay your taxes. I’m just saying. I think HG TV and TLC should be banned from TV because it gives every woman in the world the idea that they can improve their house or yard and then end up having the men do all the work. Just because you watch the show doesn’t mean you’ll do a good job and your creative all of a sudden. There is a reason that they get paid money to do it because they can and they make you believe it’s easy and you can too when in reality you suck balls. Two cartoon chicks I would totally bang are Jessica Rabbit and Belle from Beauty and the Beast. West west yo.

    imageApr 29, 2008 · category: random

    Posted by Captain Obvious

  • Let me just get something off my chest. Its not a RAINFOREST…its a JUNGLE you F-ing Liberals!

    Thanks for playing.

    imageApr 27, 2008 · category: rant

    Posted by Bourbon Overby

  • The art of eye humping

    We have a national pastime at work and it’s called eye humping. You may think you know what it is or think you know by what it’s called but you don’t. While most people take a casual glance at a beautiful women and maybe do a double take. With eye humping you look at them and imagine having dirty sex with them. See you didn’t know that. When I say dirty sex I don’t mean something gross………..I mean just rough sex with no strings attached. You can insert fuck or fucking instead of sex because that’s what it is. Weekends are the best time for this and with the weather getting warm and less clothes I’m sure there will be plenty of it to make us go blind……..in more than one way. If you don’t get that then you’re a douchebag or a different gender. I’m just trying to help my prostate. I want to talk about Bono for a minute or two. You’ve got Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson “doing” all these things for black people. When I saying “doing” I mean talking a lot without doing shit for black people. Bono is from Ireland and has done so much for Africa and AIDS. He has done more than the both of them combined. Al and Jesse…………quit talking and start doing. I can’t believe people look up to you and see you as role models. Get a fucking life and if you have a cause do something about it…….bitches. West west yo. I’ll write more another time but I’m tired.

    imageApr 27, 2008 · category: random

    Posted by Captain Obvious

  • Awesome line-up

    I was listening to the radio and heard the best four songs in a row I can think of. Ain’t nobody gonna slow me down. Oh no……I got to keep on moving. Peep it here on Solid Gold. Gotta love the porn stache. Next song that came on is fan-freaking-tastic. Peep it here. The next song that came on is a good one by a dike. Peep it here. It ended with this song………..teeerrrrriiifffiiiicccc. Peep it here. What a great ending to a night with great music. West west yo.

    imageApr 26, 2008 · category: fantastic, music

    Posted by Captain Obvious

  • Masturbation

    Thought this was interesting and many of our readers including myself should read this. Peep it here. West west yo.

    imageApr 23, 2008 · category: WTF

    Posted by Captain Obvious

  • This might get our site shut down and kicked off the internet

    So I was inspired by Bourbon’s latest rage so I thought I’d up my game. So I listened to some Rage Against the Machine…….Bomb Track. If that doesn’t get you pissed then nothing will. Let me start the raging. First as I was driving to IHOP listening to Bomb Track and I was so pissed about work (I’ll get to it in a minute) that I was hoping a crack head would walk in front of me while I was driving so I could clip him. It almost happened too. These stupid dudes started to walk across the street as I was turning. Luckily for them they jumped back. Now to work. There was a huge douche bag who came in the other day and tried returning a bike and getting full price when it was discounted because it was so old. He said he got it at Christmas when we haven’t carried it for a year and a half. Well John dealt with him and pretty much told him to go somewhere else. This guy thought the world owed him because he had a lisp like one of those gays. Anyway the guy called corporate and got a gift card and came in tonight. They sent me to deal with him and he was as advertised by Mr. Daniels. He checks out this bike and ask me ridiculous questions about it when “he already knows the answers”. He decides on it and I quote “I don’t want to be a butt…….but can you scrape the sticky stuff off of it”. He kept saying I don’t want to be a butt……but. I wanted to say you like it in the butt……….what…..fag. The adhesive from a sticker was on the bike in two spots and he wanted it cleaned off and the tired aired up. We do that and then I take it out to his car and he tells me the store manager told him that he would have the bike inspector check it to see if everything was in order. This guy is the epitome of faggot ass bitch. In fact when I was on my way to IHOP I saw an ambulance driving by and thought I hope that bitch from the store today got in a wreck and died. Fuck him and you for thinking that’s bad of me to say. I feel sorry for his kid, wife, and family having to put up with his lame ass. Before this guy came I dealt with some Mexicans who couldn’t speak very good English……….imagine that. Someone living in our country and not being able to communicate well. First he ask a guy in footwear three times about bikes. Finally I go over there after I got done doing your Mom and killing a hippie and he asked if I could get a bike for him that he was very capable of doing. Then another so I say. You can get these yourself to which his fugly ass wife says in not English…….”excuse me” all high pitched like she’s offended. I say you don’t need me to get it but I can. You don’t need my permission. So they ask me to see if there are any in the back and I go. During that time they ask John for help and as I’m walking back to tell them we don’t have any back there John tells me he’s going to the container to check to see if we have any. Well by that time the guy chooses another back and tells me he wants that bike so I tell him for the 15th time that he just needs to take it up front and pay for it. He leaves and I’m going to tell John that it’s a no go and he’s coming from the container. We didn’t have any regardless but are you fucking serious. I’m finding that if you don’t speak the language well you’re most like retarded too. So the lights go off at work when we’re supposed to be out of there and we were still there. The store manager wants to hold a meeting in the dark. We can’t see him except for the whites of his eyes. I would say teeth too but they’re yellow from all the cock he sucks. He’s the type of person that if he was on fire I would throw gas on instead of water. Burn bitch burn. We don’t need no water let the motherfucker burn. Fucking bastard misuses his authority. Man I want to punch you in the face. We were talking about if we went to high school with someone and they became a stripper how we would go because it would be interesting (because we know them not just because there are tits everywhere) I thought about this and how you could go up to them and say I saw your boobies and how their response would be like so have 1 million other people. Still doesn’t ruin it for me. I would still want to see her fun bags. Heard the worst song of my life tonight at work. Ghetto girl by some bastard. It takes a sample from the Billy Joel song Uptown girl. The guy should be shot and Billy should be shot for creating that song to which this guy used. I love Billy Joel’s music too. Sorry Tom I know you like it………..fag.  Man card is revoked until further notice. An Ethiopian won the Boston Marathon. Does that surprise anyone? They have to run from lions and shit. This town ten miles from where I went to college at was destroyed by a tornado about a year ago and they’re rebuilding it for free. I bet your thinking…….Captain how can that be? I’ll tell you how. The f’n government is a bunch of flippin hippies who are trying to “save the tree’s” They’re helping them build it for free by making the town green. I have nothing against the town because it’s free but I’m pissed that the government is trying to turn good people into tree humping, whale saving, vegan hippies. Fuck you government. We need to cut the bullshit and tell it like it is with “the man” and tell them where they can stick their going green bullshit. Fuck off and go to your mistresses and live your double life government because I want nothing to do with your liberal hippies asses. Not all government but most of it. Mother Earth loves you but I think your douche bags. I have a lot more to talk about but I’m done typing. West west yo.

    imageApr 22, 2008 · category: f'n raging

    Posted by Captain Obvious

  • Music to my Veins

    Just got done listening to some hard core rock! Love the way it makes me feel. I just want to RAGE! Get the old blood pumpin’ and brain thinking about how effed up this world really is and all the bitch as people in it. Need to give a shout out to Captain…what up my west, west yo brother. Keep the Rage coming! I hope we never get it all out. We’ve given that nice guy shit way too much time and effort. F-that, just let it out! People are so sensitive, and worry about every one’s damn bitch ass emotions too much. Hmmm let me check, yup, wasn’t sent here to care about how I make you feel or how you feel period! People act like they’re the ones who have the bad days and no one else, or that shit only happens to them. Do me a favor you F-stick…bend over and stick you head way between your legs, if it smells like shit then yes, you may be human after all you pussy! And to all you crying ass baby women…go ahead and keep on bitching. Hell, you bitch the week before your period, the week of, and the week after every month. That’s 36 weeks out of 52 for all you blondes! And I bet my ass you women will think of something to bitch about the other 14 weeks. Its in your nature to bitch. If I could find a girl and asked her, how much do you bitch on a scale from one to ten? If her reply was an eight, I would probably marry that girl! And you women wonder why you can’t keep a man! Hmmm, the word bitch comes to mind but I don’t know. And then there’s racism! Good old trusty racism. Ah how sweet the sound! Please, I’m not racist, just biased. If you think I’m mad because blacks get better government sympathy…yes. If you think I mad because if a black just screams racial profiling at work, you get fired…yes! If you think I mad at all the sad ass people who sympathize with these idiots…yes. If that makes me racist, then call me John Brown! So check it peep this, if you’re upset at this rant, or wish my death to come swiftly…don’t worry, I don’t feel bad at all and will sleep soundly tonight. I don’t give a shit how you feel or what you do. In the words of JT “cry me a river!” I hope this made you feel pissed because at least you felt something today you lazy ass, sympathetic uncle tom loving, jobless ass hippie!

    Thanks for playing Bitch!

    Bourbon

    imageApr 21, 2008 · category: rant

    Posted by Bourbon Overby

  • Just made it home from work today. My day started at 5:45am and I just now walked in (6:07pm). So, my question for all of you viewers, friends, and the other wrongs on here is…

    …is it me, or do I work too much?

    imageApr 21, 2008 · category: random

    Posted by Bourbon Overby

  • I present to you William Bailey.

    Peep the first video with Tom Petty here doing Free Fallin. Do you know where the fuck you are………..peep next video here. William’s voice sounds horrible but this was an amazing moment. Check out Jimmy Fallon introducing this. This was the first William siting in a long while. This might be my favorite. Elton and William and Queen………fantastic. Look how excited the crowd gets when Willy comes out. Finally I’ll end it with this William and Queen number. Hope you enjoy as much as I do and if you don’t then you’re gay and should go listen to the Backstreet Boys and hump a plant. This is so bitchin. West west yo.

    imageApr 20, 2008 · category: music, video

    Posted by Captain Obvious

  • Lyrical rage

    People piss me off. They can’t keep their mouth shut and ruin shit because they open that thing they suck cock with. Stick to sucking dick you bitch ass fags. The black Laurel and Hardy of fags came into work today and asked me where the sleeping bags were. Here’s how it went. One tall skinny guy and one short and fat one came in and the skinny one said “Scuse me” Yeah that’s right……….scuse not excuse. I looked over and said “Yeah”. He says can you tells me where the sleeping bags is in a gay voice. His gay lover pipes in with……………mmmmmmmmmhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmm. What the fuck? He must be the woman of the relationship because they are always the ones piping in with suggestions when their husbands or whatever are on the phone. I guess that’s the ebonics way of saying “we wants to know where they are” So I tell them and he says “we thanks you” Really? I don’t get it. All I thought was is this Brokeback Mountain and f’n sick. Dicks are for chicks. One of the managers walked by John and I and Mr. Daniels said something to him about how I’m a nice guy and he just keeps on walking by without blinking or even acknowledging us. Guess what…………..fuck you bitch. I’m glad you at least feel a third as much of hate that I have for you towards me. I hope you get fired and are jobless for 6 months. Bitch. One more thing I need to rage about before I go is people not from America originally who come here and think their opinion matters and say how bad it is yet they make all their money from Americans and live here. So they think it’s important that we listen to them. Fuck off and go back to Canada or wherever. I bet you would be broke if you just sold your albums there or wherever it might be your from. Fuck hippies. West west yo.

    imageApr 20, 2008 · category: f'n raging

    Posted by Captain Obvious

  • Bad Leroy Brown

    The baddest man in the the whole damn town. Meaner than a junkyard dawg, bigger than old King Kong. Nice. Heard it tonight and I want to be Leroy Brown’s friend. A couple of things tonight. It was awesome the other day at work when Jean Claude Van Douche (all 6 ft 2 in of him with ponytail) was doing a full working out on the heavy bags. I walk by and he goes “where’s the Thai gloves”. In Thailand dumb ass. Really do you think that you’re a bad ass looking like him? Fucking crazy. I’ve also had issues at work with this old guy who is stubborn and gay as far as I’m concerned. He comes in one day asking about basketball goals and I explain what he needs to know. He ask if a portable goal has a drain and I tell him where it is and he insist there is another one. So I ask the team leader and he tells me the same thing I tell him. Then he ask me to get on the rack and check and I tell him no. Then he ask if he can i tell him no. The next day he calls and ask some more questions to which I tell him the same thing. A few days later I’m walking by the basketballs and he’s on the f’n rack. I yelled at him to get the hell off and he jumps down and tells me there is a drain. I said great now you know. He starts talking shit about how he told me there had to be one and I tell him I’m happy for him. So he wants the goal and we’re out and won’t be getting anymore in for a while. So hopefully I won’t have to deal with his 80 year old douchebag ass anymore. I really can say I hate that guy and wish he would have fallen off the rack and all the goals fell on him. What’s that? That’s mean. Fuck him. Have you ever felt alone and even when you’re around people and they try to include you it still feels like that? Nothing you do seems to help and it’s hard to deal with. Get help you depressed bastard or jump off a bridge. I’m kidding………kind of. I’ll have more stories later but I got a movie to watch and you’re distracting me. West west yo.

    P.S. Hippies are stupid and have sex with trees.

    imageApr 18, 2008 · category: random

    Posted by Captain Obvious

  • I don’t know how I forgot to post about this, but Emma Watson turned 18 on Tuesday. And, yes, she’s still hot. That’s okay for me to say now, right? Because she’s 18? So, here it is: Emma Watson is hot. Oh, and she’s rich too.

    imageApr 18, 2008 · category: Celebrities

    Posted by Tom Collins

  • This is an interesting set of tagged bills on flickr. These two are my favorites.

    —

    On a separate note, while pasting the above image of the twenty-dollar-bill into Photoshop, I got an interesting warning window that I’ve never seen before. You can see the actual image here. But here is what it said:

    This application does not support the printing of banknote images.

    You can open and edit this image but you will not be able to print it as is. For more information, select the information button below for Internet-based information on restrictions for copying and distributing banknote images or go to www.rulesforuse.org.

    Interesting.

    (via BuzzFeed)

    imageApr 17, 2008 · category: buzzfeed, photography

    Posted by Tom Collins

  • Cookie Monster searches deep within himself and asks: Is me really monster?

    Me was thinking and me just don’t get it. Why is me a monster? No one else called monster on Sesame Street. Well, no one who isn’t really monster. Two-Headed Monster have two heads, so he real monster. Herry Monster strong and look angry, so he probably real monster, too. But is me really monster?

    Me thinks me have serious problem. Me thinks me addicted. But since when it acceptable to call addict monster? It affliction. It disease. It burden. But does it make me monster?

    imageApr 17, 2008 · category: Articles, Humor

    Posted by Tom Collins

  • Ready to fucking rage

    What up peeps? Captain here and I’m pissed, hate hippies, and want to boink your mom. I’ve got several stories about the young Captain and then Captain now. Like all that third person? First I want to tell a story about when I got chased out of a baseball complex when I was not sober, umping a little league baseball game. It was a hundred freaking degrees and I had already been there for several hours and I was ready to go. So I was behind the plate, kids on second and third with two outs, down by a run. The first pitch was a ball, second a strike, third a foul tip so strike two, two more balls and then it happened. The next pitched bounced like three feet in front of the plate and bounced up into the strike zone. So what did I do. I rung the little bastard up so I could go party again. Well the parents were irate and I wasn’t running because I was scared I was running because of three things. First I wanted to get more unsober, two I didn’t feel like hearing it, and three I was flippin hot. I was supposed to get paid for those games but they must have sent the check to the wrong address. I’m sure it wasn’t because of the other stuff. I have a lot more to this story so I’ll randomly insert them in other post. I’ll insert my penis into your Mom too. So I’m tired of the old days lets talk about current. So today I pissed off a customer really bad to where he cussed at me and told me he was never coming back. Here we go. This guy asked me where we kept the ice packs and I showed him and he said thank you like he was done with me. I was the only one there so I went to help other people or hide in the warehouse. Pick either one. Well I get a call saying this lady and guy needed help in the fitness area so I head that way. I go up to customer service and one of my co workers said this lady needed help with bars for weights and a guy came up asking about………guess what……….yeah ice packs. So I walk over there and ask the lady if she needed help and she told me he was there first. I say I already helped him which he mumbles not very well and I let it go. I help her and get smart with her because she acts like it’s my fault we don’t carry something and says she’s going someplace else. I tell her that’s cool tell them hi for me. Then I turn and say “Listen I showed you where all the ice packs are and you still need help?” He tells me that his wife is in there a week ago and found the one he’s looking for now. So I open up all the different ones we have and we still don’t find it. He keeps going on and on about how his wife found it a week ago. I get tired of it and say if you wife knows where it is then bring her ass in her so she can show me since I work in this department and he thought I didn’t know where it was because his wife told him exactly where it was and we were there and it wasn’t so I don’t get it I guess.  He starts getting pissed and telling me that he didn’t like my attitude and appreciate my comments because his wife just had knee replacement surgery and I wasn’t being nice. I told him I didn’t appreciate his attitude that he thought I didn’t know what I was talking about and I didn’t know his wife had surgery and did I look like Mrs. Cleo or some shit. Anyways to make a long ass story shorter he told me that I was an ass and he was never coming back. I hope when he gets home his wife tells him it was a different store. Stupid bitch. A f’n hippie was in the store today swinging a golf club. An expensive one at that. First of all hippies don’t golf because the ball might hit one of their precious humping buddies……….a tree. Second you don’t have a job so you can’t afford it and all the money you do have you buy drugs with. Take a shower you dirty bastard. I’ve got to go so I can get some sleep. West west yo and if your a druggie, hippie, or neither stick that in your pipe and smoke it.  There’s a rumor Axl turned in the new Guns N Roses album to the record label. I doubt it but if I haven’t said it before then I want my fucking free Dr. Pepper. 

    imageApr 16, 2008 · category: f'n raging, people

    Posted by Captain Obvious

  • In the butt! In the butt! You could have been raped in the butt! My favorite part: “I’m eighteen! I’m eighteen! I’m not like young and stupid.”

    Note to all freaking girls: Don’t go see a guy you met on MySpace. Seriously.

    imageApr 16, 2008 · category: WTF, video

    Posted by Tom Collins

  • Bad Day

    CAPTAIN: DO NOT LOOK AT THIS PHOTO!!

    Everyone else, please enjoy…or not.

    Bad Day Photo

    Personally, I think he was just too head strong.

    imageApr 16, 2008 · category: life

    Posted by Bourbon Overby

  • 41 Hours Stuck on an Elevator

    This video from the New Yorker of a man stuck in an elevator car for 41 hours is surprisingly difficult to watch. The accompanying story about the man’s experience — and then, more specifically about elevator safety is quite intriguing. I never thought I’d think about elevators for so long in one sitting.

    Two things make tall buildings possible: the steel frame and the safety elevator. The elevator, underrated and overlooked, is to the city what paper is to reading and gunpowder is to war. Without the elevator, there would be no verticality, no density, and, without these, none of the urban advantages of energy efficiency, economic productivity, and cultural ferment. The population of the earth would ooze out over its surface, like an oil slick, and we would spend even more time stuck in traffic or on trains, traversing a vast carapace of concrete. And the elevator is energy-efficient—the counterweight does a great deal of the work, and the new systems these days regenerate electricity. The elevator is a hybrid, by design.

    imageApr 16, 2008 · category: Articles

    Posted by Tom Collins

  • Is there such thing as a mad hippie?

    What up peeps and the answer is yes as ironic as that sounds. My friend that is a hippie was i-fucking-rate the other night. I thought I was a pissed off individual but this guy takes the cake. It’s funny because he’s totally a hippie. He really hates everyone and most likely wants you reading this to die and probably the Captain as well. I feel his pain. Sometimes life is a bitch then you die. I just keep on truckin and raging instead of hitting someone with a two by four. There hasn’t been much raging on the site lately and I’m about to bring it back. I hate white, black, brown, pink, yellow, purple, and pink people all equally. Speaking of equality……..I’m tired of everyone using race, sex, gender, etc….as an excuse for everything. You treat me this way because I’m black, gay, white, tall, fat………..shut the fuck up. The reason we treat you that way is because you’re being a dildo. Not because of that other shit. You want to be treated the same and with respect then do it yourself. I read today where Dr. Phil made 90 million dollars last year. The first thought in my head was………..why?  He’s a douche bag people. He needs to be sent to an island along with John Mayer, Oprah, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Lebron James, and every other douche bag in the world. Carmelo Anthony was arrested for a DUI. Why am I the only one not surprised? He’s a fucking thug. Dumbass. West west yo.

    imageApr 14, 2008 · category: people

    Posted by Captain Obvious

  • This doesn’t change things

    What up peeps? It’s been a while. I woke up this morning pissed that I had to work and had my mean face on and then the unexpected happened. I saw the funniest looking mofo I’ve ever seen. It was priceless. He was Asian about four foot eight had some high water sweats, a bicycle helmet and some big ass Kevin Duckworth goggles. You know how when you want to be somewhat respectful and wait until they pass you to laugh………..yeah didn’t happen. He looked at me with his goggles and bug eyes and I lost it. I was kind of worried he was going to kung fu me (is that a stereotype?) or outsmart me with his high test scores and SATS (is that one too?) but he just kept walking. I laughed for a good while at him while my coworkers looked at me like it was funny but that you’re a dick head kind of funny. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t stop laughing. You know when your someplace where you’re not supposed to laugh like church or maybe a funeral and something funny happens and you know every is pissed at you for it but you just can’t stop. So I remembered a story the other day when someone brought up how pissed off people get at the airport. One time I went to visit this chick in California and they lost my luggage which seems to happen a lot. I remember this guy who probably just came to the country being in charge of that area and I was really pissed because I didn’t have my stuff. He was pretty nice and kept apologizing to me about the mistake and I raged on him for like 45 minutes. I remember telling him I didn’t know what they did in his country but I just wanted my fucking luggage along with many other swear words and hang gestures. I’m pretty sure I’m one of the reasons other countries hate us and think we’re arrogant bastards. Look in the mirror ass hole I’m sure you’re a reason too. A cop pulled up on me tonight and asked me what I was doing out at 2:30 in the morning. I told him I was doing the same thing he was trying to make sure the city was safe. He didn’t laugh. Another reason I don’t like cops………..no sense of humor. I’ve got to work in a couple of hours so I’ve got to try to get some sleep. West west yo.

    imageApr 14, 2008 · category: f'n raging, rant

    Posted by Captain Obvious

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